you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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