There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
