Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Randomize
