If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
