No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
