And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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