I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
