his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you never un-have a 4some
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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