you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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