And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
