and she was petting her beer can
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
