I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize