I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize