OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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