He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
