grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
