i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
