That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
