Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
