And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
