i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
