I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just google imaged poop.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
