Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

(661): View more from California

Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

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(631): View more from New York

even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away

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(636): View more from Missouri

trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions

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