my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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