I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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