Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
