my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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