just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
