New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
