I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're like the curious george of whores
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
