I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This house was built for laser tag.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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