I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
babies were throwing up all over the place
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
