Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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