2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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