dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
