forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
