Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
