Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
