They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
