I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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