If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
