At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
