I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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