id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize