I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He shit in the fireplace
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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