i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
