dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
