my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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