Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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