and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
