At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
third nipple confirmed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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