haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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