you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize