I wish my penis had an off switch
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
