She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize