I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
