In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
