I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
