you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
