she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
should my penis look like a turkey
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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