When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
