So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
