So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
