girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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