I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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