A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm passing your future prison.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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