U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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