1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
