So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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