So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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