Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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