Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
