Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
