I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can't special order awesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
