Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
