The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
