Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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